My Love

oh my beautiful!

your walk takes me to my end.

I walk beside you,

and you give me my purpose!!.

Oh my! those eyes,

I loose myself in them,

the depth that I crash into,

the abyss that never ends.
oh my, that touch!!!

I shudder, I shake.

I struggle hard,

to stay on my feet.
oh, that look!! ,

I look up and I see you.

Ur glance ,

u give me the meaning,

of the moment.
for I live to serve you.

for I live to breath you in.

for I live to love you,

for I live,

so you,live in me!!!!

----------Making sense out of Insanity!!-------------

My hands across my ears,

every breath howls.

The hum of the town outside,

like warnings of a volcano`s walls.

I breath in deep,

trying to strike a note.

Im always out of key,

I barely stay afloat.

Moments; they slowdown,

they acelerate.

My knotted fingers,

feel like lasos across my neck.

The wind beats against my window,

leaving sleet and frost.

I hear the familiar song,

it echos; "Everything's not lost".

I loose moments in time,

trying to make sense.

Of this world outside,

sitting quitely on my fence.

From the Heartache Archives

This was a poem I wrote a few years back at the end of a long relationship.
I have not changed the original formatting for the sake of preserving originality of my state of mind.
The purists may find a lot of newbie errors...so....Bite Me!!!!

Episode 1

As he entered the halls of the great city,
His eyes were restless.
His pulse was racing,
at the anticipation of the new and untold.
And then he saw her,
A vision of stricking beauty.
His heart melt,
In his eyes were tears he knew not existed.
He quivered,
at the sight of her eyes,
and longed for a gaze of the angel.
He rushed to her and sat in her shadow,
All his worries were lost.
Every passing moment,
he fell deeper in love.
Alas, the angel was spoken for,
she had love already.
As he laid near her,
Weeping silent tears that no onecould see and crying in desperate wimpers,
that he only could hear.
He put on a brave face and told her,
Of his love, his pain,
how both dance togather on the floor littered,
with the spills of his bleeding heart.
The angel was so in the other love,
she could not help.
As he saw her walk away in the mist of time,
He Bid her Goodbye.
And promised himself,
Never Again,He will let himself suffer.
Never again, he will let the promise of love,
turn in tears of blood.
He walked away from the angel,
In his bleeding heart,
he had nothing but pain.
His whole being shuddred at the very thought,
Of the love lost.

Episode 2

It was a hot day in summer,
When the Angel called upon him.
It had been ages that he had heard her silk voice,
He had tried not to think of her,
and had not forgotten the pain.
But as she spoke to him,
all the pain vanished.
All He could hear was her sweet voice,
Soft tones laced in honey.
the hopes of the love forgotten,
came back to him.
His helpness returned,
he was again chained in the desperate grappling of his heart,
to hold on, to posess, to love.
He sang of his love to the angel,
The angel began to cry,
She poured her tears on to his own.
She spoke of the betrayal that was done to her.
She spoke of her broken heart and lost love.
He could not bare her pain ,
Seeing his angel broken in misery.
His loved bolied back up again.
He went on his knees,
Held up his head,took her hand and looked deep in her eyes,
and poured himself onto the feet of his angel.

Episode 3

The END

It will hurt me years from now,
When I look back.
The pain will still be there,
Hidden in a dark corner of my heart.
The the rush of blood,
When someone knocks my door,
the way I jump when my phone rings.
the way my head turns when I pass,
the place where I sat with her.
The memories of her hand in mine,
cuddled togather far from the world.
the sound of her words in my head the smooth caress of her skin,
the way we danced in the rain.
The love I had was cursedwith her torn heart.
Her delicate heart was shattered,
those parts that I could not join back
I saw myself crash down with her,
broken down in a million pieces
Now there is no hope for this broken heart o mine,
wander aimlessly, one howling night to another
wondering if I did everything right,
and hoping that I did.

Abyss

I float along in the abyss,
breathing in the black fire.
Everything is a far memory,
everyone is fading away.
The howling night laughs at me quitely,
for hers is the darknes I bare.
Into the rabbithole I fall,
into her blank eyes I stare.
Visions of my despair,
dance in fornt of me.
This show of chaos,
I must witness, I must see.
I fall on my kees,
crimson tears roll down.
Out of the misery I stare now,
my resurrection shall spawn.

The Forbidden

Out of the mist of Doom, the Angel emerges.
Shedding stars of heaven, the sceptre of eternal love in her hand.
She touches me with her gaze, I melt in her arms.
she wipes my tears, holds my head in her hands.
Her eyes burn with the white fire of peace.
She brushes my face with her feathered wing,
I swallow her sweet smell, and our lips meet.
we spiral in an eternal embrace
away form the battlefields, away from the misery.
our bodies entwined,.

I lay beside her...on a bed of clouds.
I breath the air that rushes past her.
the cold heart of a warrior start to smoulder
I breath in the fire of her heaving chest
I whisper the longings of my heart in her ears..
she arcs as I glide on her.
the blood of the angel moists the tears of the knight
the cries of our love and pain hit the heavens and the earth.
the waves of the eternal pleasure wash over us,
an I lay in her embrace , floating in the sea of love
breathing into her....

Puddle

She was the love
I never deserved,
She was the shadow
I could not grab.

She was the image
I could never paint,
She was colour
I couldnt comprehend

She was a gust of wind,
I could not stand.
She was the fist full of sand,
I could not hold.

She was the woman ,
who could make u kill.
She was the woman,
who could ask for your all.

Holding the pain ,
was too much.
Feeling the fire was ,
Melting me.

Now I lay down,
on the ground,
melted in a puddle
of tears and blood.
The images of
a love I though I had,
fade before me.

New Age Slavery

Its quite alarming when in the corporate enviornment the basic human rights of individuals are voilated,and no one seems to mind.It seems that slavery was never eradicated, we simply stopped acknowledging it.This violation comes in various shapes and sizes, be it the abolition of writing the email signature of your choice (God forbid it might offend some psuedo political correctness of a FIRANG)or "Parallel constitution" that is run and diligently enforced in the name of "policies".
This weekend something happened that really shook me and affirmed my belief in what I said in the previous paragraph.I am in the habbit of wearing a Kurta in the office at weekends. This particular weekend I was stopped by Mr.X(the Big Boss) and was told that a Kurta is not allowed in our organisation, and a thickbooklet of a redundant document(the "Company Policies") was thrown on my face.This was done at the same time when Mr.Y(A smaller fish than Mr.X but bigger than me ) had been blatantly violating the same set of rules that were so diligently quoted to me.When I raised this question the answer that came out was really a work of art. Like any Bollywood movie it had drama(In the way I was convayed that I did not matter), Action(In the way I responded and the argument thereafter), It had Tragedy(The fact that I have to follow it coz I dont Matter), Comedy( The whole system of "Policies"), a sense of style(The way Kurta was linked to its known cliche` of Jurnalists and Social Workers) and finally the Climax( The way Mr.X ensinuated the "Consiquences" of non observance)I was spell bound and angry at the same time. Angry coz I feel that Wearing a Kurta is my right as an Indian citizen and spellboundby the way the whole episode ended up with me on the mat instead of Mr.X(He is Amaizing).
So let me be the first one to say it out loud. Its my right to wear what I want as long as I am not wearing something offensiveIts My right to say what I want , write what I want and I wish some day that I am detached enough to not care about the money I get out of this slavery.

Insight

Well, after reading Ashutosh`s blog I was also inspired to take the the MBIT test and got myself analysed.
This posting is for the benefit of all those who think I am too complicated or too simple to understand. Its feels like an excersice in self control to see yourself from someone else`s eyes, to have enough self control not to be defensive when the judgement is passed.
So the MBIT test marks me out to be an INTP (Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving) (damn!!!!!). To know what an INTP is supposed to be check out the INTP analysis and please..oh please...dont give me any judgements of your own after reading this. The avoidance of this very judgement was the primary motivator for me to take this test.